for some reason I Love This Crappy Song

Ok so Britney has decided she needs another greatest hits compilation…just 2 albums after her last greatest hits compilation. Makes no sense I know, but does anything Britney does make sense?

My biggest problem with the song is “why?” Madonna, who also just had a greatest hits re-release (Madonna still has hits?!) “Celebrated” by having a new track titled “Celebration”…get it? Christina Aguilera (1st greatest hits release  last year) re-recorded/remixed some of her signature hits as well as adding the new song “Keeps Gettin Better” to her collection…clever right? And Hilary Duff (who has had more greatest hits collections than your mother) always manages to add her latest attempt at makin grown up music with the collection. Growth. Britney try it some time. Even on Britney’s last greatest hits (titled “My Prerogative”)  had a cover of Bobby Browns “My Prerogative, no growth but lol we get it Britney it’s your prerogative…but maybe that is the problem as well…

“3″ as stupid and sensless as it is to be the new single of a greatest hits collection is obviously, about a 3some…Britney doesn’t even know 2 person sex these days much less 3 person sex. But I’m sure her father/captor has convinced her this song is about dancing out on the floor with your 2 best girl friends!

Crappy yes, but I myself will tear this song the fuck up on the dance floor, and probably with Peter, Paul, and Mary.

Hearts and Minds

Well kids, I really don’t know what to say about last week, it kinda just went right by and now that I think about it, it seems like a blur. I don’t even think I posted last week…hmmm. Anyways. So the week basically started last Sunday when me and a couple friends made plans to go dancing Friday. The majority of my week was spent at the gym, hoping to get my legs ready for a dancing marathon (yeah good in theory but my legs still killin me today), Other than that I went back to school and I have been watching old episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Wow I can’t believe at one time I thought this was the best show on television…It’s still better than any other vampire shit out right now, Although what with Vampire Diaries coming soon maybe there will be some competition…lol I’m sure there won’t be; but Vampire Diaries will be pretty to look at:

 On the big day (Friday) I had a little trouble getting ready for the festivities of the night that were about to ensue (mostly because I managed to get really fucked up Thursday with a first round start at about 3p.m.) but about 5min before everyone met up at the apartment I was ready to get my ass on the dance floor. Pre game was definitely good times as we came up with abbreviated nicknames for everyone. The trick is to say it real gangsta like, my abbreviated name is T.E.O. which stands for turns em out…don’t worry we won’t tell your girl. Once I finally got to dancing I didn’t stop and eventually became solo dancer, which was the best thing that happened the whole night, well besides  when one of my friends fell backwards off the stage we was dancing on, and I had to use my amazing dance moves to do a spin move and pretend I saw nothing (we only use the term “man down” when someone can’t finish their drink at last call and they need assistance)  all in all it was everything a dancing fool could ask for in a night.

So the best news I can offer in this blog post is the new season of Gossip Girl will start in 36 days.

Guest starring my girlfriend Hilary Duff:

for some reason I Love This Crappy Song

I suppose I really don’t have to explain this one that much. Pop star hooker losing herself to the music in this song is Leighton Meester, that’s right Blair Fucking Waldorf. The woman of my dreams…but for the real though…not much going on in the world of music! Or at least nothing important enough to talk about, well except for Brooke Hogan’s upcoming album, that should be fun. I did just hear a “The Way You Look Tonight” (Frank Sinatra) cover by Maroon 5…yeah, no I’ll stick with my Gossip Girl dance music.

 

p.s. lack of updates due to Final Fantasy 7…sorry but I just got addicted :/.

for some reason I Love This Crappy Song

A long time ago…about 6 years now, I thought that being gay meaned you Loved Madonna. So when I realized I in fact Hated Madonna I thought I was cured…that is until she released Hung Up and dragged my ass back to the dance floor, turns out I just hate her and most of but not all of her music. I still give all of her music a listen much like I give most of Kanye West’s music a listen, I.Do.Not. risk anything when I might get a chance to dance, this song however is horrible because of the music first off seriously it’s kinda gross, and this being off Madonna’s last album she is we can all agree way past her prime…but

On any given night
Catch me on the floor
Working up a sweat
That’s what music’s for
I’d rather not explain
For me it’s just usual

come on’ This song was written about me! and…

You know I feel it in my heartbeat
Don’t you know, can’t you see
When I dance I feel free
Which makes me feel like the only one
That the light shines on

then finally

You probably think I’m crazy
I don’t want you to save me
Don’t mean to disappoint you
I’ve never felt so free

All that added with a couple of lines repeating “See my booty get down like” I think Madonna knows me or at least wrote this song about me and therefore I love this cappy pop song.

p.s. just kidding being gay is not a disease, liking Madonna though is a disease.

?

Man I used to be way more awesome when I smoked; I’m just sitting here waiting for the new episode of True Blood…see whut I mean? There is only so much that can be excused for Alexander…

I still am able to retain some cool though, next week when I go see Transformers2 : Revenge of Linkin Park I’m going to be incredibly shit faced drunk, hell if anyone gots some coke I’ll snort that off your ass before I go see it too…as long as you’re not married! See after watching Obsessed I now fear that at any point Beyonce will jump the fuck outta nowhere and kick my ass. Just imagine…

Beyonce: Bitch Imma kick your skinny ass!

Simon: I’m sorry that I dance better than you to your hit song Single Ladies, but I don’t even like the song so it’s all good.

Beyonce: I know the things you’ve done in the past, things like that white bitch in my new movie “Obsessed”, out in theatres now, did!

Simon:  Look B, you have no one to blame but yourself for that hair, and if those women loved they men so much they shoulda put a ring on it. (You see what I did there?) I don’t fuck around with marriage.

Beyonce: Simon your kinda like a really good person…can you teach me how to dance like you to my hit song “Single Ladies”?

But then Jay-Z would shoot me dead once I tell Beyonce her music sucks more cock than I do. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to meet Christina…

Simon: Christina Aguilera, you’re like really pretty.

Christina: Thanks Simon, you’re like really pretty too.

Simon: I know. Christina Aguilera you’re really dirrty also.

Christina: Oh Simon, you are too kind. But I’m not the one with dirrtface as a nickname. *wink wink*

Simon: That’s true Christina Aguilera, I think I love you.

Christina: I love me too.

Simon: Christina Aguilera is you done with your new album yet?

Christina Aguilera: Oh! Soon, soon, I mean right now I’m just working with some really great producers and people in the music industry and whatnot. I’m trying to get the vision and look and image right for this record. I really want to go the futuristic route, which is just amazing because no one really knows where the future is going.

Simon: Christina Aguilera, just tell me when the eff your album is coming out!

Christina: Soon!

Simon: That is not an answer Christina Aguilera!

Christina: Simon, I don’t think we can be friends anymore you’re kinda trying to limit my artistic vision and artistic look and artistic image.

Simon: Ok, but can we make out before we stop being friends?

Christina: Of course! But Beyonce gonna come for your ass I’m a married woman.

 

A boy can dream can’t he? Anyways back on the topic of my struggle to stay awesome. I start my new shift at work this week, so sleeping everyday will now be a regular basis again. And this is the last week of my current class which if all goes as is I’m passing with a solid C! I’ve developed a pretty big crush on Ashley Tisdale.

 

I’m also about to get knee deep in Final Fantasy 7 which is a huge stretch from the games I’m used to playing . I’m pretty sure this game is gonna start teaching me to think before I act. This is something my parents never really took the time to do. And once I have completed the game me and my brother are purchasing our second ever Blu-Ray movie! Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete, sorry, I Know Who Killed Me your just gonna have to wait a little bit longer to be purchased by me. That is unless of course season one of Gossip Girl gets the Blu-Ray treatment, then Lindsay you are screwed…but not in such a literal sense. Well kids True Blood is about to start…somewhere and I have to regain composure after seeing Taylor Swift movin like a fish outta water while performing Pour Some Sugar On Me at some country music awards…Although I wonder…

**Knock*Knock**

~~ding.dong~~

Simon: Taylor Swift double you tee fuck are you doing at my door?

Taylor: I’m sorry Simon but after the embarrassment of me and my dance moves at some country music awards, I now realize I needa makeover fast!

Simon: hmmm whuts in it for me?

Taylor: We can make an exclusive remix of my song “Teardrops on My Guitar” for you and call it “Teardrops on my Dance floor”

Simon: Well Tee Ess, you got yourself a DEAL!

Taylor: Oh thank you Simon this is such an honor I can’t thank Yo-

Simon: Ok I aint even out the door yet and you on my last nerve, bitch shut the hell up and get me a drink and a cig.

Taylor: Oh, drinking? …Smoking? That’s like some really bad stuff…

Simon: Wait a Minute here…what exactly kind of makeover are you thinking I could help you with? And why haven’t your people got me a pair of cowboy boots yet?

Taylor: …

Simon: didn’t you used to date the Jonas Brothers…did you hit it?

Taylor: Well we were real close one time but I respect myself.

Simon: TSwift, I need you to get off my front step, the dance is not in you there for there is no hope for you and you are dead to me.

Taylor: **singing** you’re the reason for the teardrops on your front step.

Simon: Have your people send my cowboy boots in the mail

**shuts door**

anyways I’ll keep everyone updated on my street cred.

P.s. I love Chuck Bass, and no it’s not about the street cred, it’s real love.

Whatever the Case May Be

If I’m going to have a successful multimillion dollar blog that sometimes reviews music I should probably let people know my taste in music. I am currently listening to White Lies, Dangerous Muse, Innerpartysystem, Kaiser Chiefs, and Franz Ferdinand. Actually wait let me check and make sure they all write their own music, otherwise I am deleting them and their albums from my PC/Life! Oh wait, No what?! Franz Ferdinand has a remix album out? Oh well in that case they really don’t need to write their own music. White Lies…were featured in an episode of Gossip Girl? Well they are safe too…and Dangerous Muse lead singer Furey sometimes tweets me…S.A.F.E.! I actually am pretty sure that all the above mentioned artists write their own music, but so does Lady GaGa and The Jonas Brothers, hell even Fall Out Boy write all those extremely original songs. Really it seems like some singers should in fact sit back and just sing…All I ask for is a good beat to dance to and/or lyrics that make sense. I also like self centered songs boasting about how great the artist/singer is and I’m good to go as far as music is concerned. Something universally easy to swallow, isn’t that what we all want?

On to more personal matters, I must say, I choose my music like I choose my friends can I dance to/on top of/around you? If the answer is yes, we can be best friends! Are you going to impart amazing wisdom on me? Like telling me to protect my heart from men or I might need a first aid kit?! Yes, yes I think you will. My friends might also be different genres of music; Slutty Dance, Stupid Predictable Pop, Laid Back Alternative Country, I Don’t Get You Rock…hmmm what type of music might the straight maybe gay guy be?…oh that’s right Techno Tease.

I wonder what type of music might be currently classified as my friends entering into marriage, probably Lounge Music…safer than Electro, but still not quite a Soulful Ballad. Over and over again I must remind myself that even though I am neither Trance (too slow) nor a Soulful Ballad (obviously) I do need to listen to their music. I mean think about it they aren’t into the gay sex but they have never judged me! Well I mean one of them isn’t into the gay sex she tells me all the time she couldn’t go lesbian… and well the other…Zing! Just kidding about the gay sex, cuz really it was a zing. There is even talk of other upcoming maybe weddings as well; I think its cuz my friends and I are at that age where people start doing things like this, but I just really wanna dance. For my friends though I will listen to whatever song they can play on their wedding white Ipods, wait white is for virgins…hmmm I wonder if I should call my friend and apologize for accusing her of being more like Aerith than Tifa, I could say even though I hear no music what so ever for that dress the important thing is that she hear the music…(I bet it’s the something from the Juno soundtrack) Whatever the case I know my dancing shoes will remain on whilst I listen to their Lounge Music, only time will tell when the next wedding blog will be…

I know, I know your all probably wondering whut exactly type of music/genre might I be? Well that’s simple I am the Christina Aguilera of my friends, not a genre you say? I call bullshit! See Christina staying rooted in pop music has done all types of music from hip hop to blues, jazz to punk, and let’s not forget her upcoming journey into electro/techno dance. There is also just as many visuals to match the different types of music and who doesn’t like something pretty to look at?  Furthermore she even gets involved with many important causes, such as building shelters for abused women and children, rocking the vote and Gay and Lesbian rights…and she’s got great boobs to boot she also writes and produces her own music/albums. See that’s my genre, minus all that charity work, I should probably get on that…

Blame It On The Beat, Don’t Blame It On Me.

Ashley Tisdale is a classy bitch  ok, ok not really she’s just Clever. I’m glad I like this album, because I haven’t liked an album in a while and sometimes I like to say nice things about people…especially celebrities!…lol And even more since I’m going to be reviewing the new Jonas Brothers album next I really needed to like an album.

Ashley Tisdale is growing up and a former Disney channel star (she is one of the stars from the High School Musical Franchise) Whut to do, Whut. To. Do? Well there are many options Ashley had, the Britney/Christina route, of obliterating her previous success with Mr. Walt Disney. But that would require talent (or the selling of your Soul in Britney’s case) something that Ashley Tisdale does not exactly have. Don’t get me wrong she is very very pretty, and has potential, so the road Ashley takes is that of Hilary Duff, she will mature but most of her clothes will stay on and you aren’t going to hear lyrics about masturbation or being a prostitute at La Mulan (*snicker*) Rouge. There is a little bit more clever/tongue in cheek promotion here than the Duffster has though.

Growing up means that you decide; your parents have really fucked you in the head, your boyfriend is probably cheating on you, and all the under the table action going on with your best male friend is kinda hot. Oh and also that you like to dance. A lot. The Album titled “Guilty Pleasure” starts out with the track “Acting Out” nothing special here trust me, the message: I’m growing up I wanna dance, have sex on the down low and probably smoke some cigs, I mean hold them for my friend. “Masquerade” has basically the same message except this time she wants to have role playing sex on the down low, and the beat is better. On “How Do You Love Someone” she blames her parents for not being able to love. “Momma never taught me how to love Daddy never taught me how to feel” . LOL! Right? But then Ashley makes you wonder is that the reason your not able to love someone also? Luckily the album changes pace and the next track “Lie To Me” reminds you your just a dirty skank whore and can’t love someone because lying to them is more fun and them lying to you? Even Better.  After that Ashley decides to break up with some of her cheating boyfriends (It’s Alright, It’s Ok, Delete You, Erase And Rewind)  in ways that would make Kelly Clarkson proud, and Dance to beats that are good enough to be Britney’s (Crank It Up, I’m Back, Blame It On The Beat). The albums best tracks are “Hot Mess” (about Ashley and her guy BFF bumpin uglies and it’s making her a “Hot Mess” I mean she’s waking up in her bra and her makeup, the car is even in the drive way parked sideways!) and “What If” (hey Ashley might have talent after all). The Albums worst tracks are without a doubt “Hair” which even my 14 year old sister finds creepy and the title track “Guilty Pleasure” which is a little to 80’s even for me.

Overall the album is a solid pop album, a far cry from a masterpiece but really have you read my previous album reviews, everybody is sucking at the moment in the world of music. Ashley sucks a lot less, especially in the genre she is secretly pimping out.

Album Grade: C+   B cuz she’s just so cute!

Danger is Coming…

and so am I.

Dangerous Muse is my new favorite Band, sorry Kings Of Leon, But really just look at lead singer Furey.

 anyways I think this is my most anticipated album this year, right behind the almighty Christina Aguilera of course.

in the mean time if you wanna listen to more of their music though http://www.myspace.com/dangerousmuse

for some reason I Love This Crappy Song

 

Ok Ok this is an actual video from the year 2009, not 1999. This really could be more of a I Love This Crappy Video post in all actuality. I can’t stop watching it and laughing, it has actually been making my days better. The band name is V Factory which my friend pointed out to me probably means Vagina Factory since this quite possibly could be the return of the boybands, well one can dream right?

 

p.s If you need to watch the video on mute…

for some reason I Love This Crappy Song

now I’m assuming it has to do something with this little lady

but I am guilty of playing this song all week long

Cobra Starship Featuring Leighton Meester/(I Make) Good Girls Go Bad

p.s Leighton Meester is Blair Waldorf on Gossip Girl.